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Monday, August 2, 2021

"Everybody Was Kung-Fu Biting"

“Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre” Swoops In on Retro TV This August

Here at Uphill Both Ways, Joseph and Mike are big proponents of both horror hosts and martial arts blasts from the cinematic past, so we are thrilled to tell our faithful followers about a new undertaking that sounds like a lot of fun: Retro TV’s  Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre. Mixing chops with chuckles, kicks with kickers, and punches with punch lines, the new series has us striking martial arts stances in anticipation of its debut. Following is the official press announcement.

Retro TV is proud to announce the premiere of its newest original programming, Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre, on Friday the 13th, August 13th to be exact, at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

The series, a mix of Elvira meets Enter the Dragon, is hosted by Dracula from his Castle Studio where he shares his immortal collection of cult classic VHS Kung Fu films. Armed with his “legendary” comedy skills and joined by a cast of Transylvanian misfits, Dracula is ready to dust off his fangs and deliver A+ jokes to B+ movies.

“With our proven success in original programming, I knew it was time for our incredibly creative team to take a bite out of something new with a hosted movie series,” says Joel Wertman, president of Retro TV. “We have no doubt that this show will be a hit among genre fans, and will bring in a new audience as well. Having Dracula host the show was a big risk, but who knew the guy could be so charismatic!”

Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre will premiere on Friday, August 13 at 10 p.m. ET/PT, with new episodes every Friday. Retro TV is available on 67 stations in 54 markets across the United States, and audiences will also be able to stream the show on-demand via the It’s Real Good TV app, available on Roku, Apple and Android devices, as well as on the web at itsrealgoodtv.com.

To stay up to date on the latest information, follow the show on social media on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter


Ep1 – The Magnificent Fist (1981)

Legendary host Dracula, the world’s oldest Kung Fu fan, takes us on a journey of punches, kicks and glorious daylight as he presents us with The Magnificent Fist. A tale of Ginseng, revenge, and at least one fist that is deemed magnificent.

Ep2 – The Guy with the Secret Kung Fu (1981)

After centuries of undead slumber, Dracula is finally able to share one of his favorite martial arts films, “The Guy with the Secret Kung Fu.” A riddle, wrapped in an enigma, surrounded by a mystery, not only does Dracula love this movie, he’s also utterly confused by it. See if you can help him solve the mystery of WHO is The Guy with the Secret Kung Fu!

Ep3 – Heroes of Shaolin (1977)

Who has two fangs and loves Kung Fu movies? Dracula, babies! Tonight, he presents another cult classic Kung Fu feature known as "Heroes of Shaolin!” A gripping tale of murder, evil emperors, and a weird father/son relationship from two mortal enemies. You're gonna love it is what we’re saying.

Ep4 – Death Duel of Kung Fu (1979)

Back with another flurry of punches and kicks, TV's best and only 100% real Dracula presents "Death Duel of Kung Fu.” A story of friendship, revenge and an evil old guy with a sweet mustache. Classic. Also, we'll learn a little more about Drac's infamous side kick, Pete the Werewolf!

Ep5 – The Eagles Killer (1980)

Are your guts busted from laughing? Well, they’re gonna be as Dracula presents a unique Kung Fu film that also doubles as a comedy romp called “The Eagles Killer.” A story of orphans, a blind girl, and uncomfortable sexual situations played for laughs that have not aged as well as our host...

Ep6 – Kung Fu Arts (1978)

On this episode of Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre, TV’s most handsome Vampire King presents his sidekick Pete’s favorite movie, “Kung Fu Arts,” or as he lovingly calls it, “Uncle Monkey and the Boy Warrior.” A wild ride about animal marriage, princess poisonings, and a feral child who is led to believe he’s related to a monkey. Wow, there’s a lot to unpack in this one. Enjoy!

Ep7 – Tiger Love (1977)

What do you get when you mix a vampire-hosted Kung Fu program, live tiger performances from 1977 that were certainly not regulated for safety, and a sudden revenge demon plot line that comes straight out of nowhere? You get this episode of Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre that’s showing the film “Tiger Love” obviously!

Ep8 – Yoga and the Kung Fu Girls (1978)

It’s time for more punches, kicks, and daylight photography as Dracula presents “Yoga and the Kung Fu Girls.” A tale of body bending circus performers turned martial arts masters who must fight the evil hat gang, a gang of evil men who wear hats, and a one-eyed bookie that’s up to no good. Plus, due to a clerical error, this is the first time Dracula is seeing this movie too!

Ep9 – Snake, Tiger, Crane (1980)

We’re getting #classy on this episode of Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre as our esteemed host with the most presents “Snake, Tiger, Crane.” A #classy kung fu flick that has all your highbrow hits; food fights, dismembered limbs, and scarf clad henchmen who do a rap music interlude for no reason. It’s #classy is what we’re saying.

Ep10 – Deadly Snail Vs Kung Fu Killers (1977)

Hey, you hep cats and far-out freaky deakies. On this episode of Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre, we’re getting trippy with the hippies as Dracula presents “Deadly Snail Vs Kung Fu Killers.” A micro-dose of undersea magic, murder and mayhem that’s full of colors, bubbles, and enchantress sisters who live inside snail shells. Whoa. Far out.

Ep11- Chase Step by Step (1974)

Do you love high-flying kung fu, carnival employees, and VHS overdubs so bad they’re actually great? Then you’re gonna love this episode of DKFT as TV’s most host worthy Dracula presents “Chase Step by Step.” A film, unrelated to the 90’s sitcom Step by Step, that’s about circus workers escorting a cache of gold along an infamous road beseeched by bandits. What could go wrong?

Ep12 – Bruce Li in New Guinea (1978)

Remember iconic superstar and Kung Fu legend Bruce Lee? Remember when he passed away unexpectedly in 1973? Remember when martial arts movie executives then thought it was a good idea to cast a man named Bruce “Li” into Kung Fu movies to confuse audiences into thinking they were getting a new Bruce “Lee” movie? Well, you will now, because tonight Dracula presents “Bruce LI in New Guinea.” A film where fake Bruce Lee must fight snake demons in New Guinea. Classic.

Ep13 – Return of the Kung Fu Dragon (1976)

In the epic season finale of Dracula’s Kung Fu Theatre, TV’s most Emmy deserving Kung Fu movie host, Dracula, shares his patent pending “Dracula Double-Feature” as he presents “Return of The Kung Fu Dragon” and his own film, “Masters of the Blade.” One, a full-length movie about ancient magic, princess swaps, and people with animal birthmarks that give them superpowers… and the other a three minute short film Dracula made 46 years ago with his lifelong BFF and DKFT Cameraman, Howard! One of these is terrible and the other is pretty okay. Tune in to figure out which is which! SEASON FINALE BABIES!

About Retro TV:

Retro TV was one of the first digital broadcast networks launched in 2005.
Available across the United States, Retro TV celebrates the best in classic television. Programming includes great hits like Doctor Who, Naked City, The Beverly Hillbillies, One Step Beyond, The Ray Bradbury Theatre, and many more. Retro TV is also the exclusive home to classic soap opera The Doctors.


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