"As Cuddly as a Cactus, as Charming as an Eel"
by Joseph Perry
Been craving a horror parody of Seuss?
Look no further, because The Mean One is loose.
Krystle Martin plays a traumatized adult Cindy
Who, when young, saw a monster kill her mom on a night snowy and windy.
She returns home years later with her cheerful dad,
But naturally things turn out quite awful and bad.
Christmas is not celebrated in her old hometown,
With deadly results if the monster comes down.
The mayor and sheriff want Cindy to be quiet,
In fear that her “Christmas Monster!” talk might start a riot.
David Howard Thornton plays the titular beast
Who makes sure holiday revelers all become quite deceased.
The Mean One follows tried-and-true slasher tropes,
Keeping Cindy and accomplices in danger and on the ropes.
Its special effects often land with a great big old thud
Because of its overuse of CGI blood.
Some victims get a good practical effects whacking,
But the digital effects are quite sorely lacking.
The plot isn’t too bad, with conspiracy in play,
And the creature design is an impressive display.
Hard-hitting parody? Well, the potential was there,
But the film plays it safe when it should instead dare.
Overall, The Mean One is worth a one-time view;
It falls between “Good!” and “Oh my, pee-ew!”
Will this low-budget indie horror make your heart shrink or grow?
Seeing it yourself in cinemas is the only way to know!
The Mean One, from Atlas Film Distribution, opens in U.S. theaters on December 9, 2022.
Directed by: Steven LaMorte
Written by: Finn Kobler and Flip Kobler
Produced by: Sleight of Hand Productions
Genre: Horror
Starring: David Howard Thornton, Krystle Martin, Chase Mullins, John Bigham, Erik Baker, Flip Kobler, and Amy Schumacher
Runtime: 1 hour 33 minutes
Rated: NR
Release Date: December 9, 2022
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